It’s ‘Cable’ who did it
By Adiah Afraz
No matter what you say, I kind of feel sorry for my government. And before you start hurling your shoes at me, and I start blaming Geo TV in turn, please just look at these people.
Our president doesn’t know what a flood is and our information minister has shoe blindness. The president’s spokespersons have never seen a newspaper and the newspapers have never seen the president’s spokespersons. The information ministry can’t control PEMRA, PEMRA can’t control TV channels, the TV channels can’t control Fauzia Wahab and Fauzia Wahab can’t control Kashif Abbasi. Conspiracies abound and hidden hands thrive. Shoe-hurlers are being planted, mobs are being installed, plots are being hatched, and to top it all, nobody ever tells anything to Ms Ispahani. She in turn ends up telling nothing to the president who in turn ends up telling nothing to Cameron. What a fine mess indeed.
And among all this hullabaloo, a strange breed of conspirators has recently emerged out of nowhere. They are real operators (pun intended), these mischief-makers. They respond to the first name of Cable and are beholders of some mysterious internal conflicts. So these cable-operators, full of their internal conflicts, got up one fine day and decided that they hated Geo TV. In fact their internal conflicts hated Geo TV more than they hated it themselves. So much so, that to quote the pious ‘Dr’ Awan, “The cable-operators closed Geo transmissions because of their internal conflicts.” Just imagine!
Have you ever wondered why all this happened especially when the poor government has nothing to do with any of it? Let me tell you a story: a famous man once said, and I quote, “Democracy is the best revenge”.
The common man asked, and I quote, “Revenge from whom, my dear?”
Since the script hurriedly written for the famous man did not provide an answer to this question, the famous man turned to Daddy for help. Daddy, who wasn’t sure himself primarily because he wasn’t paying attention, turned to an aide for an answer. Incidentally, Daddy’s spellings are not so good. He confused his aide with aid, rhymed it with trade and has been looking for both ever since.
In this quest he went from shore to shore, from hotel to hotel, from jet to jet, from limousine to limousine, all the while dragging his poor kids along and some hundreds of slaves following his footsteps. Back home the common man just waited and speculated. When he got tired of both, he turned on his TV and entertained himself.
At this point it is pertinent to tell you something about this common man. Actually these common man type of people are not very bright. They don’t understand confusion, and generally want clear-cut answers to their clear-cut questions. For example, if they have a question about a high-profile assassination, they would want to know who is responsible. They won’t really care for ‘I know but I won’t tell’ kind of information. Neither would they understand allusions and innuendos. They would ask silly questions like, “What do you mean by ‘they’, sir?” Or “what do you mean by ‘them’, sir.”
So the evil geniuses called the TV channels decided to capitalise on the stupidity of the common man’s questions, and tried to offer some simple answers to the simple questions simply put in simple language. And this is probably what the cable-operators did not like. Or rather, this is probably what the cable-operators’ internal conflicts did not like. They took their revenge from the TV channels, Geo included, and the poor government ended up taking all the blame.
So do you blame me if I feel sorry for my government? What? You do blame me that I feel sorry for my government? Gee, relax people. This is all a big conspiracy by the hidden hands and non-partisan elements among the non-state actors of anti-democratic forces bent upon destabilising the spirit of reconciliation and democracy that nobody ever told me about. But now that you have brought it to my notice…
Source: The News